Ready? STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS!
I’ve heard these stories so many times it makes me want to scream. Don’t get me wrong, I make them every now and then too, but there are HUGE assumptions that can and should be avoided when it comes to starting a family.
I occasionally will scan my Facebook mommy groups and at least daily you will see mommy’s venting about their husband or other family member. Yes we love them, yes we’re appreciative of everything they do for us, BUT ……
Many times these frustrations I find could have easily been avoided if assumptions had not been make and clear guild lines of needs and wants we set on the table even before starting the process to create a family happened.
I’ll use myself as an example for this. When my husband and I started talking about creating our family, I was in chiropractic school at the time. I still had school to finish and I knew I wanted to start my practice as soon as possible, so we sat down and had a conversation about my needs and wants and his needs and wants. I said that in order for me to be able to have a happy and manageable time though this, I need him to be able to do 50% of everything except nurse. That means diaper changes, waking up a night, bath time. All of it. He had to know how to do it all so that if I needed to do something I could.
This is what I needed at that time to be able to move forward on our path. It’s is something we agreed upon before we even started trying. Now I’m not saying that you have to be 50/50, you can be anywhere you want to be, you just need to be in agreement with each other because otherwise it will lead to what I call lack of fulfillment of assumed expectations. Both parties just assumed something would happen after baby came and instead they became frustrated with each other rather than enjoying their responsibilities together.
This may also change from baby #1 to baby #2. As we transition even further into our relationship and think about planning for the future again, I’m in a place of moving my practice and dedicating my time to women who want to get ready to have a baby, whether it’s #1, #2, or #5, I may need more time to devote to that. I may need him to be at 60% and me at 40%. The thing is that I’m not really sure right now, and we’re still in the early stages. What will matter is that we take the time to have this conversation again before we start trying.
Did you have a conversation like this before you started creating a family or did you fall prey to assumed expectations?